I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
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This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
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You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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