I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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