Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.

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(410): apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual. http://tfl.nu/y4h7

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(301): View more from Maryland

Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.

(1-301): View more from Maryland

I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.

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(301): Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me. (1-301): I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom. http://tfl.nu/1oh9

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(225): View more from Louisiana

ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.

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(225): ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby. http://tfl.nu/ceb0

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(614): View more from Ohio

see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy

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(614): see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy http://tfl.nu/v81p

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(613): View more from Ontario

I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.

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(613): I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/nxz1

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(815): View more from Illinois

Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here

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(815): Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here http://tfl.nu/3q8i

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(352): View more from Florida

I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.

(917): View more from New York City

I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.

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(352): I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God. (917): I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice. http://tfl.nu/jdh1

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.

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(610): so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried. http://tfl.nu/cyhc

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(480): View more from Arizona

New game: find the sober person in Tbell

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(480): New game: find the sober person in Tbell http://tfl.nu/sv6g

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(843): View more from South Carolina

So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.

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(843): So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay. http://tfl.nu/5u6r

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day

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(902): On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day http://tfl.nu/p5su

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(248): View more from Michigan

its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...

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(248): its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs... http://tfl.nu/1hpf

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(203): View more from Connecticut

How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.

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(203): How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things. http://tfl.nu/sk0c

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.

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(405): there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this. http://tfl.nu/t3uy

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(919): View more from North Carolina

They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.

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(919): They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am. http://tfl.nu/0bdo

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