bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize