worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
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i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
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Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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