i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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