As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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