I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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