Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
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Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
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She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
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