He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize