he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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