I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
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I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
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This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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