Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I wear drunk well.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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