Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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