I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
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How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
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I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
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