it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
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Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
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Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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