And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
bring money and cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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