rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize