I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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