He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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