his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
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you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
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I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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