The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
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I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
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I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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