apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
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hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
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We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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