The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize