She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize