its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
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Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
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Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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