honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
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But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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