Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize