Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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