someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Farmville is her only friend.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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