don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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