Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize