sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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