What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
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I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
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Semen is not good for contacts.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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