what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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