so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
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Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
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They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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