I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
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In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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