You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I am naked and annoyed.
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