I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
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I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
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i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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