What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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