If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
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was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
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So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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