I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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