I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize