I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
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I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
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Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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