I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
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I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
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tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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