Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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