oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
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Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
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Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
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