We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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