Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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