how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize